I was feeling pretty tired last night and had doubts about waking up at 5:00am this morning to sit in meditation. I was rationalizing and negotiating with myself to feel okay with not doing the practice. What would it matter if I missed just one day out of 100; especially since I've been doing this kind of thing since 1985? And, anyway, no one would know if I did it or not. On and on my mind wandered...
It wasn't until I walked by our meditation room that my true Self emerged to take the reins and keep me on track. This is the Self that emerged over the years as a result of the investment I've made in trials and tribulations learning to be disciplined, tenacious, and diligent. It's the part of me that doesn't let me fail or fall without getting back up to continue my journey.
What I've learned is that it's okay to not want to do a practice. Those feelings are rather normal when you choose to be at your best committed to a goal. What matters is whether or not you succumb to the feeling.
It's my belief that success must be earned and, therefore, that process is intrinsically challenging to help cultivate the muscles of character required to achieve one's aims. Thus, what truly matters is what you actually do; especially when no one knows you're doing it and you are not going to be complimented for doing it. In the darkness of the enclosed chrysalis, a caterpillar transforms itself into a butterfly that must struggle and break through to emerge to fly!
As I walked by the meditation room, I stopped, entered the room and setup my seating space. I then got my clock and set the alarm for 5:00am. I heard it ringing way off in the distance this morning and my Self got me up out of my comfortable bed to go sit. One day closer to achieving my goal. No epiphanies this morning, no glorious revelations. However, it is a powerful link built in to the chain of constancy...
"To be great, get it done!"